So yesterday I turned 17...and not much is different.  I think 17 is probably one of the strangest birthdays because it is right after the big 1 6 and right before the adulthood of 18. 

Not much is really going on at all.  I am still working.  I am still hanging out with Sara and Danielle and Kellie and her hot boyfriend Cameron--who I have discovered is very straight, guess my gay-dar needs a check-up. 

 Life is pretty boring, but still good.  I am starting to feel the heat on what I am going to do after next year--college or a year off, stay home or move away, general studies or declared major.  But it is way too soon to be that concerned about it. 

There is one thing missing in my life right now: young love.  But, I don't think I can really handle it right now anyway and why should I try to force something that just isn't meant to be right now?  But then agian I may just be too picky.  Maybe I'm not even gay anymore; maybe all my lack of affection has turned me into an a-sexual freak.  It seems like the only guys I am attracted to are the ones that I would never have a chance with.  Like this kid Matt, who is extremly handsome and awesome to talk to, but is sadly 24, making a relationship between us illegal--not that he would even want to date a 17 year old.  And Cameron, who is now obviously straight.  And this other guy Mike, who is probably more into women than Ron Jeremy, but somehow I am convinced that he will come up and confess his burning love to me.  And it isn't like there aren't guys out there who like me, but I am never attracked to those guys.  Maybe I am too analytical or maybe I just want everything to work itself out without me doing anything to make it happen.  But I don't want to force anything--I feel like love just happens on its own and doesn't need a navigater. Ha, That sentence doesn't even make sence to me, I need to stop BSing.

But if guy problems are the worst issues, than I've got it pretty good.  Hope everyone else the best.-Josh 

This past week has been a little ruff for me because I have been retarded.  Like yesterday, I didn't do any of my homework and my environmental teacher sort of freaked out on me.  And today, I went to take my SAT with Sara and I couldn't print out that little sheet they give you, so I had to wait forever to situate everything out.  My dad had to come in with my yearbook from 8th grade (since I lost my wallet, which had my social security card and my lisence in it) and my birth certificate.  I have just had a hard time staying on track since it is so nice outside and I just want to goof-off.  I think I am catching senioritous from my friends or something.

I started working, for the YMCA, watching elementary school kids. It has been fun.  But the kids are kind of sad.  They spend all day in the system.  Some of them even come in early so their parents can go to work--it's sick.  It's also kind of sad to see how our youth behaves. I tried to get a game of capture the flag going and they all fought me and said that they would rather play Game Boy.  And it was so nice outside.  I was pissed that they couldn't see that.  But then it was cool, too, because after I let them alone they organized it themselves and everyone played--I guess I excited enough kids about it.  It was really neat.  It is just an interesting job.

Oh man, my dad and I got into a fight last night because he called from the bottom of the steps and I ignored him--I can be a punk sometimes.  But when I finally did come it was pissed and he yelled and I was tired and bitchy from the week, so I yelled back.  Which was way dumb of me, I shouldn't have fought him--esp. since he had a hard week too and he was asking what Danielle--she was over-- and I wanted to eat.  It was just sucky because we were both so annoyed.  And he grounded me for a week, but who knows if he was being serious.  I feel bad about it now, though.  Maybe it's a good thing because I do need to bring my grades up before the marking period ends.  I hate junior year in high school.

But other than the boring busy work stuff, life is pretty damn good.

Currently Playing If They Move...Kill Them By Fairweather see related

So I found out that I didn't get the scholarship to Germany.  I was a little disappointed, but I will have a blast here.  And now I can get a car!!

I cut my hair, which is about the most exciting thing right now.  But somehow life is good.  I have a great group of friends who are all awesome kids and I really respect each of them for the people they are and are becoming.  School is bearable. Work is fun.  Everything is going wonderfully smooth. 

I am getting really excited to start my life away from my house.  Not that I don't love my family, but I am ready to be on my own.  At least I feel that way; who knows how I will respond to having real responsibility.  I have faith in me though.

My biggest complaints: I would like to meet a guy I was into and I can't wait until the weather warms up. So life really couldn't get much better--and if it did I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself.

I guess all this sounds pretty boring, but living it is a blast.  I hope everyone else is as happy as me. -Josh

Currently Playing False Cathedrals By Elliott see related

So, life…life is good.  Strange how realizations like that sneak up on me when I least expect them, but, at the same time, need them the most. 

Spring is starting to take off her winter blankets and rise from her long slumber and I am waiting to greet her with open arms.  I feel change everywhere: from the weather to my life.   This year has marked so much for me in terms of growth; I had my first real relationship and realized that all the ones before were just as real; I started taking steps toward establishing myself away from here; I got my first job.  I am breaking through the cocoon of adolescence. I feel so self-aware and I like the person I am and am becoming. 

I find out about Germany next week.  Whether I get the scholarship or not is inconsequential.  I believe life will work itself out and I will be able to experience just as much here as I could in Europe.  Maybe more. 

After senior year, I don't know what I want to do.  Sara is talking about moving to California, which would be a blast, but who knows if it will ever fan out.  I think it would be better for me to go alone anyway.  I want to experience life by myself without anyone to catch me if I fall.  I want to have a sense of absolute fear in order to obtain absolute freedom. 

I know for sure that I don't want to go to college right away.  I am already too pompous; to be surrounded by other pompous people would irritate me.  I want a reality check instead of another test run with training wheels.  I want to crash.  I want to learn.  I want life.  In short, I am a normal 16-year-old.